Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
