and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
