Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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