I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
