then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
