i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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