We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
