Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize