We're like a lot better than the average bears
Jerry, you need to find god
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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