I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize