Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
