I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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