Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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