Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's like heaven, but drunker
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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