I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
