My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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