my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
