If that was your dad, he is hot
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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