HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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