The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
