Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
