Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
