I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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