nut hugger
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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