i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
