FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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