I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
