Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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