I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
