If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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