It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
