I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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