I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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