Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
