I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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