"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
