Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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