his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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