I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
