Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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