Acid is not a monday night drug
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
