i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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