Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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