I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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