Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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