wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
