Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
