She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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