whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
