I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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