I hope mine doesn't look like that
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
