Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
