I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
