There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
