my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
