the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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