Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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